Wax Doll

a wax doll
cowering beneath
your touch-
your touch is
the crackle of a match
striking volatility,
and lighting afire
every last wick
of my vulnerability;
my surface deftly
moving away,
drifting, like water
makes space for
bigger things-
and you’re the one that
brings life and death
anger and passion
at the same instant;
and so, I quiver away,
wax doll,
shy of fire,
hiding with shame,
running away to save grace.
i let you burn every inch of me,
and you, annihilate.
but what will you ever be
without me?

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On Being Free

But I don’t like to be tied down in one place. I want to be free- to go wherever I want, when I want and be able to think about whatever I want …. People whoose freedom is taken away always end up having somebody. Right? I know I don’t want to live like that.”

Haruki Murakami (Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki and his Years of Pilgrimage)

These lines made me smile. Everytime I feel bounded to something or someone, I begin to itch, desperate to wriggle out of those metaphorical chains. Just like birds in forests reared with freedom, I would never be able to sustain in a cage: shut off, and isolated. I wish I never have to live like that: with chains arresting my feet when I’m just about to fly. I don’t want to live grounded, or governed, living in a place that is meant to contain me. I wish to never be contained.

Story #39: How To Restore Your Faith In Love (The Anonymous Anecdotes Project)

I’ve always wanted to teach underprivileged kids. Their smiles have an unexplained magic in them. I found this to be a very inspiring idea since childhood. Unfortunately, I could never find an NGO that was good enough until one of my friends shared a message from an NGO she was part of. I really liked the idea and instantly filled the online form to join. Fast forward a month, I finally decided to go and teach. 

My first day was nothing short of amazing. I started teaching a very young boy who seemed pretty sincere. One hour into teaching, and random little kids start running here and there. One girl comes from behind, puts her palm around my eyes and says guess who. I didn’t know anybody’s names. I had met them for the first time. Yet they felt safe and comfortable enough to play with me. Kids would come and hug me from behind while I was teaching that little kid. They would play small games with me. I clicked some funny pictures with the kids and another volunteer too with the kids showering soo much love on me. I really couldn’t believe it. I have never felt this loved from complete strangers. I instantly fell in love with all of them. 

When I returned home, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking how kids can love so easily. How they are not afraid to love people. Until recently, I was the same. I have lots of love to give and I didn’t mind giving it to all my friends without filters. But due to some negative experiences, I realized one should not do that. Maybe I became too afraid to love again. So this was so shocking for me- how they could love, and express it so easily, without any worry about how the person on the other end is going to feel about it! I had become really bitter and I feel that small incident restored my faith in loving. 


Sometimes our own life experiences condition us into believing things that would otherwise seem absurd had we considered another perspective. We grow onto these beliefs, and mistake them for facts. Beliefs like no one can be trusted or one will never find love. But when we come across instances that no less than throw the truth in our face, or simply, another alternative to our beliefs, it feels like revelation; like an epiphany. 

I think that no matter what we do in our lives, we have to bear the consequences of our actions, good or bad. So nobility brings you back goodness, like in this story. 

This is not a chapter out of a philosophy book; just the things I feel, and this story resonates with a lot of my own philosophy!

-:-

Any opinions, comments or ideas that you may want to put forward to the writer of this story can be mailed to me at ratti.priya5@gmail.com. Positive feedback and constructive criticism are more than welcome. 

(The Anonymous Anecdotes is a project under which anyone can send me a memory, a story or an experience from their life that had a profound impact on them. It requires people to write their respective experience along with the way it changed them or their perception of life. According to the project, these stories are being published anonymously, with the intent of spreading a positive message and a hope that anyone who reads, relates or learns.)

Story #34: Where To Find Good People (The Anonymous Anecdotes Project)

Hey. I am not a priest, not a soul guide, not a spiritual guru, nor do I have any special power. I am just another human with a standard issue brain and heart. Although I am not so sure why they blame it on the innocent little organ which essentially only pumps blood in our body. But it’s okay, I guess it must be used to it by now. Hopefully. But remember, it’s an opinion. So, don’t buy it like you buy stuff from a super market, think about it and if you find any loopholes, be sure to contact the lovely author of this initiative who will further re-direct your opinion to me. Trust me, I’ll need it. 

Goodness is something which makes sense, because honestly we see enough bad to adequately differentiate it from the good. There is no degree of goodness, there is just goodness. It is not a methodical process which requires learning, maturity or even education. It is something which is inherent in us, engineered in our brain somehow. But unfortunately, a number of people are swayed away from it at a very early stage. It may be the upbringing, the nightmarish childhood or a traumatic incident. Whatever it is, it steals their ability to act good to others, it is as sad as it sounds. I am not trying to justify the wrongdoers of the world, just saying that they have become this way, reversibly or irreversibly. 

We often use our standard human categorisation policies to put our acquaintances into one of the two boxes called – ‘good’ or ‘bad’. But trust me it is not that easy. Goodness or badness is hardly apparent, often camouflaged by moods, environment, notions and experiences. So it would be easier to let down the judgemental walls down that we build around ourselves and let some goodness flow into our lives. 
Now where the hell is this goodness? 
It’s right there. 

We all see it, when a waiter is extra polite to us. We feel it when a random stranger lets us board the metro before him. We feel it when a random woman is carrying 6 bags, still managing to hold her daughter’s hand while crossing the road. We see it when a cow licks off the dirt of another cow. We feel it when an infant smiles at us for no reason. We feel it when a middle-aged uncle returns your phone which you forgot at the restaurant. 
Sometimes the goodness is strong enough to come and knock your door directly. But other times you have to keep an open mind and look for it around you. Trust me, it’s there. Not necessarily in people, not necessarily in nature, not necessarily even on earth, but it’s there. Let’s try to feel it, let it pass the layers of pains and miseries. Into the soul it will go and it will give you a purpose, a purpose to live, to be someone else’s goodness. 

Thanks for reading through. Smile?


This story made me smile!

Well. So much negativity asserts itself in our surroundings, and makes its presence very obvious in our lives.  Our brains have become so accustomed to immediately thinking of a negative situation, that most of the times we become blind to even the possibility of something good happening. 

We need a certain amount of negativity in our lives to balance with the positivity. But imagine how the balance will fall, if we don’t see the good; if we don’t be the good. It will inevitably pave a way into pessimism. 

A lot of things change when we try to change our perspectives; when we try to look beyond the squares and shapes we’ve cut out for ourselves to use for viewing the world. If beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, then certainly, happiness must also be found by someone who looks at the world with optimism. 

So, look for it; if you cannot find goodness around, find it within yourself. Foster it, then reflect it onto the universe, so that it finds its way back to you.

I’m sure it will.

-:-

Any opinions, comments or ideas that you may want to put forward to the writer of this story can be mailed to me at ratti.priya5@gmail.com. Positive feedback and constructive criticism are more than welcome. 

(The Anonymous Anecdotes is a project under which anyone can send me a memory, a story or an experience from their life that had a profound impact on them. It requires people to write their respective experience along with the way it changed them or their perception of life. According to the project, these stories are being published anonymously, with the intent of spreading a positive message and a hope that anyone who reads, relates or learns.)

Story #32: A Lesson Learned (The Anonymous Anecdotes Project)

‘Absolute disgrace; utmost disappointment’.

The words echoed in my head, as I faced yet another failure. At that moment, not winning the competition and its prize money seemed to me as if the world had come to an end.

While travelling back home , I glanced out of the window to see a nine-year old kid playing around in the scorching heat of the sun along with his sibling, with a content smile on his face which forced me to ponder over a question.

‘What exactly do we need to be happy?’

Is it a posh car? Or a luxurious bungalow? Or designer clothes and shoes?

But that kid did not possess any of these, yet he was joyous and satisfied . He had a serene smile on his face which was only because he knew the art of being content with what he had. 

By this I absolutely don’t intend to say that aspiring for better in life is wrong. However, I realised that while sprinting in the constant race of attaining and achieving more, I must never forget to value and make the most of what I am blessed with in life. 

I went up to him, wondering what I should say. When I stepped forward, I realized that there wasn’t any need for words and a smile could do wonders. We sat under a tree as he animatedly described his family and life. After an hour of conversation, he large heartedly offered to share half of his fruit with me. That day I found a friend half-my-age, who taught me one of the most valuable lesson of my life!

Sometimes, looking at others’ lives really puts things back into perspective for us. Seeing how some people are content with what they have, even when it is less than what they would like it to be, makes us wonder if we’re thankful enough for what we have. 

As I’d said in the last post, we can’t really compare ourselves to anyone. However, what we can do is learn to appreciate the things we have, rather than mourning over the things that we don’t- Because a lot of people have it bad, rather, worse than us. 

You may not really like or appreciate the things we have now, but they are most probably everything someone else wants. So be grateful, and practice reckless gratitude. Appreciate the things you have now, because you might not have them forever. 

 


Sometimes, looking at others’ lives really puts things back into perspective for us. Seeing how some people are content with what they have, even when it is less than what they would like it to be, makes us wonder if we’re thankful enough for what we have. 

As I’d said in the last post, we can’t really compare ourselves to anyone. However, what we can do is learn to appreciate the things we have, rather than mourning over the things that we don’t- Because a lot of people have it bad, rather, worse than us. 

You may not really like or appreciate the things we have now, but they are most probably everything someone else wants. So be grateful, and practice reckless gratitude. Appreciate the things you have now, because you might not have them forever. 

-:-

(The Anonymous Anecdotes is a project under which anyone can send me a memory, a story or an experience from their life that had a profound impact on them. It requires people to write their respective experience along with the way it changed them or their perception of life. According to the project, these stories are being published anonymously, with the intent of spreading a positive message and a hope that anyone who reads, relates or learns. If you’re interested, you can send me your story at ratti.priya5@gmail.com.)

Story #30: Feelings & Fears (The Anonymous Anecdotes Project)

I was pondering over which life instance I should write about but then, I chose to write about a feeling which hits me almost everyday. It’s the fear of not being good enough. No matter how hard I try, I am never enough for anyone or anything. The frustration and exhaustion it causes is inexplicable.
We live in a world where even being your own self isn’t good enough. Each one of us must have experienced those times when we think we’re not just worth it. Not good looking enough, not smart enough, not talented enough, not interesting enough, not funny enough, not good enough- that’s what’s on my mind all day, everyday. 
My self doubt, expectations, unrealistically high standards for everything and need for accomplishments crush my self esteem. I have a fear of letting people down. I feel so indecisive most of the times because I am afraid I am not good enough and that I am undeserving. 
I fear that I will never live up to the expectations I imagine that others have for me and that I have for myself. No matter how much I do for others and for myself, it’s never enough. I am tired of being treated as an option and not as a priority. Incompetency and inadequacy, comparisons and criticism, disappointment and despondency, fear and anxiety have crippled me. 
For me, self-deprecation is a way of life. It’s not perfection or attention that I strive for but it’s the acceptance I long for. I hope one day, I’ll be able to make everyone proud and overcome my insecurities. Till then, everything is totally okay.
I just need to get hit by a truck.

Our own thoughts make or break us. The way we see ourselves, shapes the majority of our actions. In psychological terms, the set of beliefs and perceptions we have about ourselves refers to self concept. So a positive self concept fosters positive self esteem and confidence, while a negative self concept brings them down, ultimately making one feel sad and depressed.
This is not related to the story as such. I just feel that our self concept is something very important, but often overlooked. How many of us actually focus on the positivity or the negativity of our inner monologues? How many of us work towards changing them for the better?
All of us, at some point of time are engulfed in thoughts of self depreciation, and doubt. This is the reason that I don’t consider myself fit to give a counter opinion or derive a lesson out of this one because I’m sailing in the same boat. 
But, I will suffice by saying that if we’re aware of the problem, then we’re one step closer towards solving it. I don’t know why I sound like such a psychologist today, but it’s just what I believe. You are the solution to all your problems. Talk yourself out of your self doubt; overcome or rather, embrace your insecurities. All you have is you, might as well love yourself. 
-:-
(The Anonymous Anecdotes is a project under which anyone can send me a memory, a story or an experience from their life that had a profound impact on them. It requires people to write their respective experience along with the way it changed them or their perception of life. According to the project, these stories are being published anonymously, with the intent of spreading a positive message and a hope that anyone who reads, relates or learns. If you’re interested, you can send me your story at ratti.priya5@gmail.com.)

Story #29: Being A Teenager (The Anonymous Anecdotes Project)

Teenager: College, Studies, Friends, Relationships and what else?

Being a teenager, a college student, I was so excited about my new “college ” life. There I met a guy, and after a few months, we fell for each other (apparently) and got together. We went out for around 7-8 months. I was totally into that guy, always being a girl who lives in a dream world of having a perfect life , a perfect partner to be with for the whole life. But, maybe he was not even sure what he was doing. 

One day, he left. For some anonymous and a bit absurd reasons. I was shattered to the core that I didn’t want to get into this “relationship” thing ever again. 

I never met him again. After sometime I really didn’t even want to. But even after whatever he did to me, there is this one very important lesson which he taught me, and I am very thankful that he came into my life; “First, learn to love yourself” which he always did. I was so much into him, that I forgot how to live my own life. I thought that he was all I had. But no, you have a lot more to do than just getting into a relationship at this stage. Learn to prioritise. 

We talked about “What else?” in the beginning, it’s your Career, your Dreams which you need to achieve and fulfil.

I did believe in love, I do believe now. Presently, I am with someone, but now I have learnt how to live my life on my own terms and not handover my key to happiness to someone else. People do fall in love, people do live together but everyone has their own life too which you need to make a priority for yourself.

Your life has just begun. Enjoy. Work hard. Dream. Fall in love. But first, with yourself. 
From my personal view, I am a completely changed person from what I used to be a year ago, and honestly, I’m lovin’ it!


Adulthood brings us many new experiences, and with those new experiences, inevitably, a lot of learning. From school to college, from love to heartbreak, from success to failures we come across countless situations that test us, let us down and/or reward us, and entangled in these situations are the learnings of life.

Growth occurs with experience. We learn to love, but rarely love ourselves.

I think the one thing from this story that stands out the most, for me, is when she writes, “…But now I have learnt how to live my life on my own terms and not handover my key to happiness to someone else.” I think this sentence is the key to a happy life. Do not hand over your remote control to anyone; otherwise, it would be too easy for them to change you, manipulate you and maybe even hurt you. Do not hand over your permanent feelings to temporary people. 

-:-

(The Anonymous Anecdotes is a project under which anyone can send me a memory, a story or an experience from their life that had a profound impact on them. It requires people to write their respective experience along with the way it changed them or their perception of life. According to the project, these stories are being published anonymously, with the intent of spreading a positive message and a hope that anyone who reads, relates or learns. If you’re interested, you can send me your story at ratti.priya5@gmail.com.)