Set Me Free

My love for you is stronger than my hate will ever be,

Now all I want is for to set me free,

Out of the cage, open the wings,

and fly away, taking the risks.

Up into the sky where the sun is bleeding fire,

darling your love is all I desire,

So tell me now what to do,

I’m all alone, thinking of you;

I’ve never been so low,

but now I’m feeling blue,

Sorrowing in my mind, why I had no clue.

Free me of these chains and bars,

I’ll give you time to heal your scars,

Find yourself and touch the sky,

I won’t let us think of death until we die.

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Escape

She woke up one day,
and came to the realization;
Life is beautiful and worth living,
So she became happy without the slightest hesitation.

Happy about being herself,
She was motivated to win;
So she did not waste anytime repenting,
About all the days she had been so grim.

Now the voice of the rain said something,
She found mysterious pleasure in the petrichor;
The words of the song now spoke to her,
The dew on the grass gave her such pleasure.

She felt the rain drops on her skin,
Let the cool breeze ruffle her hair,
Stepped into all the puddles she could,
Miles ago she had left her despair.

She shut her eyes close and breathed the air in,
Facing the skies, arms open wide,
She let the rain wipe the fears off her skin.

No star could have shone as bright as her,
She was like a sunflower in broad daylight;
Free to dream her own dreams,
And nothing could stand in front of her might.

She wasn’t afraid to be herself anymore,
She now had faith;
She found peace within her own skin,
And knew she’d found her escape.

Dealing with Isolation & Oblivion

Oblivion: A situation in which something or someone is completely forgotten.
Isolation: The state of being detached; or separated.

The lust for fame and popularity is human nature. We all as humans want to be known for who we are. Everyone wants to be liked and accepted these days.  But if there’s one thing we all are afraid of in unison, well, its oblivion. It’s isolation. We’re all afraid of something that will definitely come to us- something that cannot be refracted past us.  Forgetfulness. Neglect. These are the things we fear the most.

Oblivion is something that cannot be understood; it has to be felt. I wondered; If you want to know what oblivion really is, put yourself in the shoes of a movie star who’s lost all his fans; a musician who’s records aren’t heard anymore or a boy whose parents abandoned him in front of someone’s door.

And out of all the people, ask me.

As I got into junior high, all my friends took subjects different than mine and the only way out was separation. Sure, we did promise each other meeting over the weekends, but eventually everyone has their own schedules and it couldn’t happen very often. So obviously, I felt isolated in class. I felt like nobody cared for me because I was left alone.

Since socializing wasn’t one of my USP’s, and I sucked at making friends, I felt more disheartened. It surely took some time, but eventually I opened up, had a chat with a person or two, and made myself comfortable in the new environment.

But during that time when you’re dealing with being isolated, you start doubt on your own capabilities. You often tend to think of yourself in an anti-positive way. I know I did. I started to think that I was unlikable; and that because I was so weird, no one wanted to talk to me. Yes. But I overcame it, although I took my time.

Generally people think you’re an arrogant snob for not talking to them or not talking in general, while actually you’re one of those reserved personalities who’d take their own time to open up with people.

I don’t need to list what isolation does to you. You feel neglected- unable to vent your feelings, which build up inside through the course of time and will eventually find a negative way to get ejaculated. I had no one to talk to for almost two weeks, and I know how much things I kept inside me during that time.

You always need people; in the disguise of friends and companions to get through the rough patches and even celebrate the up sides in life with you. We all need a companion, a confidant and an adviser disguised into a friend. We spend our lives looking for people to match our frequencies with, and when you do, you’ve found a friend. You can talk to them about anything, without even thinking twice. You’re friends share your happiness with you, counsel you through rough roads and they somehow happen to know it when you’re sad.

When I’m with my friends, I don’t seem to care about anything at all. Because I know they won’t judge me- I know they won’t hate me for anything that I say or do. I know they would support me and stand by me whenever I need them. I know they’re the best possible company that I could ever have, and I know there’s no one that can replace them.

But being without them is horrible. I never actually thought what my life would be like without my friends because I’ve always had them around me. But now, they were nowhere to be found. I was alone, without them for the first time in my life and feeling worse than ever.

Just like happiness, oblivion comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be separation from a loved one or losing your importance in someone’s life. So practically, there’s nothing you can do to escape it. It will come to you one day or the other. There will be people; even the ones whom you’ve always loved and cared about that will at some point of time leave you. You cry and cry and wish it weren’t like this- you hope that it was only a dreadful nightmare, which comes to pass as dawn sets in. But it doesn’t. You have to face the reality and deal with loses. Deal with oblivion and isolation.

It is not difficult going through such phases of life- although it may seem like it when you’re coping with the situation. Most important, according to me, is to never lose your self confidence; hold you head high and have faith in yourself. There is always some out there who’s just like you, and maybe even looking for you.

It wasn’t late until I realized I had to do something to blend into the new environment. I had to sustain myself even without my old friends, no matter what. So what did I do? I convinced myself, cracked a lame joke, this girl on the third seat laughed, and you know what? We actually talked. I thought I might have actually made a friend.

I was right.

Definitely not sweet: Sixteen

I don’t understand how this whole idea of calling a person’s 16th birthday ‘Sweet Sixteen’ was conceived. Did a confectioner obsessed with alliteration do it?

May 5, 1998 was the day I opened my eyes into this world; about 16 years from today. Back then, half the world was busy rejoicing for Karl Marx’s birthday while the other half mourned upon Napoleon Bonaparte I’s death anniversary. So my being bought into this world was pretty much ignored. Now that I turn 16, people will be rejoicing for Chris Brown and Adele’s birthday, while I still haven’t been able to do anything that spectacular for people to remember me.

I asked my dad we’d throw a big party and get me a huge present, because it was supposed to be my special Sweet 16, right? Well, no. He asked me what was so special about it, and then it occurred to me.

Turning 16 is overrated and definitely not ‘sweet’ at all, because, let me break it down for you, nothing much changes- you’re still your old crappy self, bound by more responsibilities and consequently, more expectations.

Being a typical Indian teenager, there is a vast possibility of me being subjected to numerous expectations and aspirations from every direction and dimension I’m known in. I have so many split personalities and people noticing me without me knowing it. I am an aimless 11th grader for my dad, a bad, bad cook for my mom, a crabby sister for my brother, a moody cynical narcissist for my friends and a troubled teen for my journal.

So, needless to say, this is the time brimming with lopsided uncertainty about who you really want to be. You’re neither an adult nor a kid- neither are you eligible to vote nor are you legally allowed to drive. You just hang somewhere between, facing new levels of  doubts, feeling insecure about yourself, experiencing worse mood swings and evolving as a new person on the whole. This time reveals so many truths and surprises.

This is the time you realize your dreams. You’re waiting to spread your wings and fly away to unfold your future, yet at the same time, you’re scared what it would be. My dad won’t give up asking what I would do in the future, about how I will survive without a planned career at this age and I won’t giving up tossing the question away with lame excuses. I keep telling him that I will find a job and I will get money but he always seems to interpret this question in a way which seems like I’m saying I’ll be lying destitute on a road ten years down the line.

Being 16, I found myself stuck in a mess called High school. They say it’s the most memorable time in one’s life. I say it can only be memorable if you survive it. Duh. So you find yourself surrounded by bitches with the riches, guys with the looks, clingy creeps and narcissistic know-it-all’s. Somewhere between being the wannabe and being the one everyone wants to be, you find yourself turning into a sociable idiot or a lonely genius, gaining popularity or facing isolation.

You’re losing friends and gaining new ones. You wish you were surrounded with people, but the next moment you’re feeling suffocated in the crowd. You’re developing new kinds of feelings for people around you- love, hatred, jealousy, admiration… They’re way too many for me to list down.

You want to step up, be known for what you do, but suddenly you’re insecurities dawn upon you and you’re afraid you’ll be the laughing stock. Like in The Princess Diaries when Anne Hathaway in the first scene confidently decides to go on the stage to give her speech… but then she pukes. Er.

Then there’s gonna be times when your parents expect you to be ‘mature’ and act accordingly, and the other times when you make a demand for something big, they want you to mind your age. But despite your same old self, it could feel like entering a whole new dimension engulfed in thoughts, feelings and emotions which take their turns on you with time.

Lots of babbling on growing up, but 16 will really prepare you for being 18. It could be the start to something new and an end for something old. My plan of how I’m going to survive this time of my life with all the weird changes would be to stay happy and enjoy it  at the most because no matter what, good or bad, it won’t return.

After all, as goes that song by Bon Jovi, “I just wanna live while I’m alive. It’s my life.”
Live your life. Live your dreams. Stay happy and always believe in yourself.

So yeah, enjoy your Sweet whatever 16.